Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

Vows.

When we said our vows, we committed to love, honor, and cherish our spouses “in sickness and in health.”

I always thought I was vowing to love and stay faithful to my husband, be he healthy… or if it went poorly and he ended up terribly sick and needing my constant care.

But in truth, I was also vowing to love and raise the precious fruits of our marriage, in sickness and in health, too!  Our children, and the raising of them, is absolutely a part of the vows that we made to each other.  The work of raising them is a part—maybe the biggest part—of our marriage.

But there’s even more to this vow.  What about when I am the one who’s sick?

Yes, even homeschool moms get sick.

And in those times, I still owe a duty to love, honor, and cherish my husband, even when I am ill.  And, by extension, to continue to fulfill my duties as a mother to my children (although probably in a lesser form!), even when I am sick.  I am still the only mother my children have, and I still have a duty to teach them the words of God (from the Bible), diligently, whether I am lying down, rising up, sitting in the house, or walking by the way.  I guess that covers my being sick, too!

Truly, even if I hadn’t made such vows, these are still my duties as a wife and mother.  (But it makes me glad to think that the Christian tradition I have received taught me to vow such things at the beginning.  It’s good, when we’re young and healthy and think that nothing could go wrong, to consider that things could go horribly wrong, and to determine within ourselves, and even vow before God and man, to do the right thing, if that time comes.)

For Better or Worse.

Getting sick can be lousy.  The larger our families, the more likely we are to pick up bugs, and the longer sicknesses can drag on in the home.

But some people deal with real sickness.  The kind that keeps someone bed-ridden for years, or suffering extreme pain, or losing mental ability… or even the kind that causes death.

We find ourselves wondering why the Lord has allowed these bad things to happen, and His answer is sure: “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.”

Metaphysics.

Which is where, I think, a little Christian Classical Education is helpful.

When I get sick, my first impulse is to think of all the things I was intending to do, in perfect health, and start scrambling to get all of those things done, just the same, even while I’m feeling awful.  (Same for if I’m needing to care for my husband, or my children!)

On the other hand, if things get really bad, then I tend to think that I should just check out from life entirely and wait it out til I get all better.  But my children’s physical and spiritual development aren’t exactly on hold while I’m down!

What’s the Classical Christian Homeschool insight about that?

A friend and I were talking a little bit about metaphysics yesterday.  Not what the New Agers mean when they say “metaphysics”, but actual, classical education metaphysics.

I’ve been learning about it from Isaac Watts, first in our Understanding readings, and now in our Wisdom homework—not enough to be an expert, but just enough not to be completely ignorant when a smart friend like this brings up such a subject…

Metaphysics is the study of what everything’s made of, what everything is.  In classical education, if I’m remembering right, students first studied the physical world, which they called physics.  That’s concrete reality, right?  Well, then, after students studied physics, then they studied “after-physics”.  That’s what metaphysics means, in Greek—”after-physics”.

Metaphysics asks questions about how things that are beyond the physical world work, or what they are made of, or what they truly are.  Metaphysics, most especially, seeks to understand the things that are of a spiritual nature.

Have you ever wondered what God is like?  What He’s made out of?  What about your soul?  Have you ever wondered about what your soul is, and if that is all of you, or how it’s connected to your body, or how essential your body is to the you-ness of you?

These are good things to ponder.  Many of us, today, ask such questions, but can’t get much farther than confused speculation.  But rather than imagining any nonsense we come up with and believing it, Christians in times past looked into these questions with serious study.

Thanks to the Christians who took these questions seriously, we understand that God has created mankind with animal bodies and eternal souls, united.

Isn’t that something to think of?  There is no other being like us, in all of Creation.  God Himself is spirit, and the souls He has given us, with the ability to reason, understand right and wrong, to love and hate, and to choose good or evil—our souls are what make us in the image of God.  Yet He has united our souls to animal bodies—bodies just like those of a puppy dog or an elephant!  We can get hurt, we can bleed; we hunger, we thirst; we live our lives in this physical world, limited by our physical limitations, even while called to have dominion over the physical world.

In times of sickness, it is helpful for us to understand that we have two entirely different natures in us, united.  Some people teach that our bodies are evil, so we should seek to ignore our bodies and only focus on spiritual things, but this is entirely false.  Our bodies are part of our nature, just as our souls are, and our bodies are so important that they will one day be resurrected to eternal life!  We will live in our perfected bodies for eternity!  This day, Jesus, the Son of God, dwells bodily in His resurrected body, the firstborn of the resurrection.

So we have two natures, united.  Both are essential to who we are, and neither one is to be ignored, denied, or despised.  And understanding that, we can better consider how to respond to sickness, whether in ourselves or the ones we’re caring for.

Sickness feels bad.

Because sickness feels bad, and each of us is an entity made of body and soul, entirely united, when we get physically ill, that affects our minds and souls as well.

A sickness in our physical bodies is not limited only to our bodies, but is often a trial also to our souls.  We cannot think as well when we are sick.  We find that our patience is lessened when our bodies are weak.  Our wills—where we decided what we want to do—are tried, as we find that we cannot do the good things we would like to do, because we are forced to spend precious time resting in bed.  And sickness really hurts, trying our endurance and faith in the Lord.

We need not lose heart because of these things.  Our Lord designed us just this way, according to His perfect purpose.  We are His very good creation, of soul and body, united, and it is His perfect plan that our souls bear the burden of the weakness of our physical bodies.

Not only is He mindful that we are weak, and that we cannot do as much when we are sick, or that it’s harder for us, but that is exactly His plan.

We need not fear when things go “wrong”, but simply take the new situation for what it is, pray for wisdom, turn to the Bible for wisdom, and then do our best.

Duty.

Again, and again, I have lately been quoting the words of John Quincy Adams which the children learn in Grammar of Grace: Duty is ours; results are God’s.

When we are sick, we can let go of the things that are now out of our reach.  On the one hand, I don’t need to fear about all the things I’m not getting done, because the Lord knows that I am weak, and He never demands of me what I cannot do.  If I can’t do it, I am assured that this is a demand I put on myself, and not one that God is calling me to fulfill.

On the other hand, I need not ask, “Why?”  In fact, I must not.  Job was faithful throughout his ordeal, until he demanded of God, “Why?”, and then the Lord sharply rebuked him.

But there is a question we should be asking, in sickness or other difficult situations.  But it isn’t a question brought to the Lord, as if we should be asking Him what He is up to.  The things of God are His alone, and our duty is to trust Him to them.

The question we really should be focused is not, Why is this happening?, but rather, What is my duty in this?

You see, we should not be concerning ourselves with God’s business, but we should be concerning ourselves with our business.

When I am sick, how should I adjust my schedule?  How can I continue to love and honor my husband, even when I am postpartum?  How much should I adjust my plans, given this unpleasant surprise in my plans?

And the answer to this is different in every situation, so it really does require some thought!

But the good news is this:  First, God is mindful that our bodies are weak, and He is not expecting us to ignore these physical problems!  And second, all I have to worry about it what my duty before God is, with the things that are before me.  I don’t have to worry about how it will all turn out.  I can’t do anything to control how things will turn out, anyway.

Duty is ours; results are God’s.

I don’t need to lay on myself more than I can do, and I don’t have to try and solve huge things that are out of my hands.  But today, in sickness or in health, what things has God laid before me?  What is my duty?  With His help, as best I understand it, I pray that I will do that well.  And then I will leave the results to God.

What quote or insight encourages you, when you’re feeling bad?  Please share for us all in the comments below!

Thanks for dropping by; please keep us in prayer!